My misery has been great these last few months; no concerts, then injury, and doldrums at work, the night shift. Been a sad few months for old TattooGirl here. Way, way down. Been in a bad funk that I just can’t seem to escape from, medically or otherwise. Even a Rad-tastic Civil Twilight show couldn’t spark me up for long.
But hopefully things will be changing for the better soon. My chiropractor, Tom, fixed my injury and I made a groovy new friend out of the deal. School is another thing that is simultaneously stressing the fuck out of me and exciting me like nothing else. Trying to get the money men to pay for it is the hard part that is bringing me down right now, but even I know that it’s only temporary. Classes for me start in August.
It’s hard to deal with Depression/ADD/Bipolar whatever the mix for me is called these days. All of the normal things I used to enjoy bring little to no pleasure anymore. I’m going to 4 shows in 3 cities, and I can barely manage a “yay”. I get messages from gorgeous rockstars telling me about their plans and they just don’t make me giggle like they used to (no fault of theirs, of course). I can’t focus on reading a book. Some days when I know I have a lot of shit to do I can’t make it out of bed. And other nights, I sit at the computer, writing a blog about myself, being up over 24 hours for the second time in less than a week. I’m tired, but the sleep won’t come. The mind won’t quiet. Even with all the tricks I’ve learned over the many years I have had this disease.
I know it’s weird to hear me ramble about my psych diagnosis; I function really well most of the time. But that’s why I wanted to talk about it. Other people are just like me. You’d never guess what hides behind their eyes and smiles. Are they having a good day or are they being eaten alive inside? We get good at faking it.
Luckily I have a great doc and I go see him tomorrow. It’s been a rough few months, ups, downs, mostly blahs. Hopefully we can even me out.
Remember, “everybody’s got a trouble….”
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”
So I’m not feeling good on Thursday night and call in to work. Gave them almost 6 hours to replace me, right? Oh no, I get the nasty bitch-out that I totally don’t deserve. Which pisses me off, but since I’m not feeling good I just hang up the phone and go back to sleep.
Yesterday (Saturday), I call work to verify that it is my day off, and Ms Nasty Bitch tells me yes, they have coverage, no problem, etc. This is about 3:30 pm. Cool. I go back to sleep.
8:30pm: Ms. Nasty Bitch calls me, saying the other nurse called in sick, could I go in, we’ll give you more money, etc?
Me: Umm, I still feel kinda crappy from the other night. Sorry. (ie: don’t try to kiss my ass now, sweetie. if you hadn’t been rude to me Thursday night I might have gone in. But noooooo…..)
So be nice to people when they call in. They may just be really sick. And you may need them to cover your ass later. I went back to sleep.
Concert Season is finally getting off the ground! June is booked with 4 shows in 3 cities. Starting with Civil Twilight in OKC on the 6th, then up to Des Moines for Foxy Shazam on the 17th. Hopefully they will have special guests! Then back to OKC for another evening with Foxy Shazam on the 27th. Finally it’s Civil Twilight in Chicago on the 30th. It’s a beer festival so it should be even better!
One band is missing from my June calendar, but I’m still waiting. I think we’ll cross paths somewhere…
Now I need to start planning July.
Even vampires get lonely at 3 am…